How I overcame my eating disorder – btw; you’re not sick.

Let’s get a little bit personal – not too much, just enough. I was sitting down in my bed yesterday night thinking about how different my life was a couple years ago. Like, you wouldn’t fucking believe it. I used to literally HATE life, I would hate my body, my legs, my skin, my hair, my room, my food – everything lol. I’ve always been very extreme in life and  when I feel like shit, I don’t feel like a little cute chihuahua shit, it’s more like; bring on the fucking huge cow dung. I’ve hated myself so much that I hit the point where I was eating EVERYTHING I could find and then I would make myself throw up until I had no energy to do so or until my body was hurting too much.

I always become very emotional when I talk about this subject, not for me, because I’m currently feeling fucking great and I overcame my bulimia like a champ, but I become emotional cause of all these girls that I know are fighting with it. And it was such a bad time in my life I wish I could just transfer everything I learned during my journey to every girl with an eating disorder. An ED (eating disorder) is so goddamn hard to live day after day, it’s draining and it feels like someone else is possessing your body and mind. It’s like that toxic friend you can’t get rid of.

I believe that conventional treatments are never ever gonna work. They didn’t work for me and looking at the amount of girls that are trying to get help with the conventional ways and that are still sick – it tells me that I’m fucking right (sorry not sorry). I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the saying ”What you focus on grows”. Well that’s something I say and believe in so much – if you study a little bit the Law of Attraction, we will be on the same level. What they make you do in conventional therapy is make you talk about it over and over and over and over and overrrrrrrrrrrrr – oops sorry I got bored af lol –  and over again. Like, they’re trying to see where the ”disease” comes from and stuff like that. They say it’s a coping mechanism for difficult emotions, a symptom of underlying psychological problems, a sign of a disease, a food “addiction” that you are powerless against… No no no no no. You’re not diseased, you’re brain is perfectly normal, you HAVE the power to make your binges urges come to an end and you can end your bulimia without crazy personal transformation. Binge eating is actually a very natural, but “primitive” brain response to restrictive dieting and/or the repeated overconsumption of highly stimulating foods. I know you’ve been told otherwise by ”specialist” but I find it so odd to call yourself specialist when you haven’t experience the issue. It’s like if an overweight person would try and tell my how to lose weight – like BRO, sorry but I’ll take my tips somewhere else.

I can tell you from my personal experience that the book BRAIN OVER BINGE has literally CHANGED my life. A week after finishing this book I was crying in my mother’s arms cause nothing has helped me as much as this book so far in my journey. This book makes you understand the legit science behind why you’re binging; it’s actually a survival thingy that the brain does – it’s fucked up. Honestly, if you haven’t read that book yet and you’re struggling with binges, PLEASE. PLEASE. GO FUCKING BUY IT RIGHT NOW. BRAIN OVER BINGE . It’s here again. Go buy it. I can’t put everything she put in her BOOK in ONE poor little blog. But it’s – WOO – a life changer. I can’t promote it enough lmao.

I’m not here to just promote this magnific book, there is actually gonna have value in this blog too. This book helped me so goddamn much but even after finishing reading it, there was still something inside of me that was craving sugary foods and it was still happening SOMETIMES. Like, my binges were happening daily usually and they were now happening once a month. PROGRESSSSS, I know. But there was always that time that I would binge that made me so pissed at myself. The other day my mom asked me this very crucial question and I really had to think about my answer. She asked me (and she really did I ain’t joking lol); ”If you would have to teach one thing to girls with the same problem that you used to have (cause, yes I can’t remember when was the last time I binged. EEEE), what would it be?”. That question hit me in the face like a fucking huge truck. BAM. No mercy.

I thought about it for a bit and honestly what I would suggest might seems very boring or odd but I would suggest to learn the impact of food on your system. Not that little bullshit you read on blogs like ”6 foods you must eat to lose fat”. No. No. And again, hell nah. I’m talking about like the real stuff. Like don’t be scared to invest in good books about nutrition cause every book I read about food opened my eyes about how food impact our bodies. There is a reason why I turned plant-based and why SO MANY girls on Instagram are now doing the switch too. I feel like since I started in 2017, everyone is starting too and it makes me so damn happy cause it’s so fucking good for your body. OH-LEE-SHIT. What you eat can literally create or destroy a disease – like CANCER btw. You wouldn’t believe what they put in all those commercial foods. EWW. So bad for you lol. When I realized that we have ONE body and that I was harming it SO MUCH with what I was eating, I kind of like decided to take the power back in my hands and heal myself with food instead of poisoning myself. I did so much harm to my body by eating all the shit possible and then puking it that when I really educated myself about food and its impact, I decided to take care of me – cause we have ONE life, ONE body and I truly truly believe that the vest feeling in life is to feel alive and healthy.

I don’t know if you’ve heard about meditation yet, but the more I meditate the more I wanna feed my body with good stuff. You’re actually letting your body talk to you when you meditate and you’ll realize that your body loves u SO FUCKING MUCH. The more you’ll meditate, the better you’ll wanna eat and feel – it’s just ridiculous. The better you feel the better you wanna feel. And when I used to binge I wasn’t feeling good; my stomach was always hurting and I was always bloated and swollen. To actually connect with my body and to love it has been a major key in my recovery. When you meditate, you make One with your body, you’re literally letting your body talk to you, you actually are taking time to notice how you feel and it makes you wanna feel better and feed your vessel better. I find it hard to put it in words since it’s really an experience you need to live to understand it; and I’m not talking about 2-3 days of meditation before seeing results. You’re gonna be bad at first, you’re gonna be disconnected sometimes, you’re gonna go back to your thoughts but all of what’s happening is normal. Overtime you’re gonna get better and you’ll see the connexion between you and your beautiful body happening. You’ll kind of start to feel sorry for you body for treating it so badly before and you WILL wanna act upon your health and wellness – YES.

I would really recommend those 3 books to learn about foods and their benefits:

Those 3 books are fantastics. In the first one and the third one, they’re gonna teach you to literally heal cancers lol. With the food you eat. It made me go WOAH I HAVE SO MUCH POWER. My mom actually read the CRAZY SEXY DIET by Kris Carr when she was diagnosed with cancer and she completely changed her way of eating – when you learned from a woman that healed herself with food from a final stage overall cancer, you open your mind and listen to what she has to say.

When you understand something, for example; how function your whole body, it makes you more careful and conscious about it. When you’re ignorant about something, you can’t move upon nor make a change in a habit you might have that’s bad for you. But the more you know the more you can act upon something – DUH. I think that educating myself about my body and my health was a major MAJOR thing that helped me to COMPLETELY recover from my ED. So get your hand on BRAIN OVER BINGE  first and all these other books after and honestly it will make a HUGE HUGE difference in your recovery. I’ve been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. So I know what I’m talking about.

You’re not sick, you don’t have a disease. THAT’S NOT TRUE. You can take the power back of your life in your hands. You can fucking do it. To be aware of the ”problem” is the first step. Wanting to heal and act upon the problem is the harder step – but once you start, it’s magical and it feels good. It won’t always be easy, you will have sets back but once you reach that point of NO MORE BINGE IT FEELS FUCKING GOOD.

The journey will take time and it won’t always be easy so don’t get discouraged after the first obstacle. Healing is not linear. But it’s so fucking worth it. Trust me.

I’m with you in that. Come talk to me. Mama Carronski is there for you.

You can do it, Alexina. Xoxo.

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